So, our first date was actually coffee at the supermarket called Kroger. Yes there’s a coffee shop in this Kroger; and yes this might be considered an unconventional or a cheap-date, different than your customary pizza shop, fast food, restaurant-date. Nice girl tho; met her online over year ago (when I was in-between relationships) and no need to mention names. Nevermind that I can’t recall her name. (That will mean something in a moment; wait for it…)

It was less than a week before we got comfortable “Netflix and chillin,” her laying across my lap, the fondling, the kissing and then the bedroom. When I tell you that her body was the scariest site I’ve ever experienced that would be mean, and maybe politically incorrect, but it would also be a spot on understatement. How desperate must I have been to look past the red flags here, how she made excuses about her “not maintaining any physical fitness regimen”… how she more or less wanted my bedroom dark as we began to affectionately entangle into the night… I would like to say that when she undressed herself this was a sight to behold. But in fact, as she shed those clothes and then the “body magic” that had been holding so much in place, her truths unfolded before my very eyes. It was as if years of fast food was all hanging there like ornaments. No, not a little overweight, but folds on top of folds, bruh! As if her skin was just melting off of her body. She didn’t have kids and maybe there was some other excuse for this but keepin it 100, that has nothing to do with me or what I want in my bed. My conscious thought was (and probably still is) in absentia when my hormones are raging. And historically, of the sexy vixens that have been in my bed, the majority of them were extremely attractive, in shape and worthy of any essence magazine issue; that is the older issues that weren’t forced by society to get politically correct with all those thin & curvy models imprinted on our minds over the decades. But this particular candidate, while she had the pretty face, there was nothing blinding me from this failed physical appearance.

I’ll take the liberty to speak for so many men/whether they admit it or not, and I’ll testify that things become blurry when we want that sex/especially when its right there in your face. And I didn’t even bother to ask myself how I got here. I had to be so desperate to ignore the red flags that would have us as a miss-matched couple? Indeed I was desperate! And what does miss-matched mean after all? Well it really doesn’t mean that one person is worse off or better off than the other; it simply means that you are either happy with your partner or you are not.


FACTS# Everybody is not your best sex candidate.

And while I simply was not happy with what I was looking at, the bigger question was: what was I to do now? We were already deep into the second quarter approaching halftime; you know, how one of us will excuse ourselves from the bed to go run for towel because shit is about to get wet.

She was undressed. I was half-clothed. That was a signal if nothing else, that I wasn’t the least bit interested in sharing my all with wassername. Yet I can speak for us both when I say (despite all) we were still partially intoxicated with lust. And despite how things looked, that didn’t stop the fact that I was an engorged, horny manimal. In fact, the idea that this woman was not the best candidate practically turned on the green light for me to have my way in every extreme. And afterwards, tho I couldn’t help the guilt I felt, she expressed that this was “the best she’d had in a long time!”

The other thing was that while I decided not to share my sacred-matured-Mandingo body part with her (“I did not have sex with that woman!” lol @BillClinton), I also still intended to earn that release my body needed. I intended to satisfy that anxiety and my need for balance; balance that I made dinner for. Balance that I indulged in numerous phone calls for… and well, balance as the reward for the Starbucks coffee… at Kroger… yes, the supermarket, cheap date. LOL. Yep, it was the “Lewinsky” that left me satisfied. And by her responses, she didn’t mind being my whore for the night. And I’m not making excuses for my actions; whether you’re role-playing or not, a man releases some real animal aggression with a woman who will do just about anything in the bed for you. And its usually right after the orgasm that we’ll hold a woman (that we love and care about), or who we can’t wait to get up, get dressed and beat it. Since I am a man that gets what he wants, then you’d understand why or how I also get what I deserve. And for sho, at least on this occasion, I deserved exactly what I got. Hell I moved too fast on this one. Needed to research some more, see her in a bathingsuit… hell, join me in the jacuzzi and lemme see the package; the prize I’ve caught.

But it was also during this experience that I realized something else: many women, (maybe not all women) enjoy being used for the sake of sexual gratification. So don’t look at me funny because I’m being transparent about it all. Anything less is straight phony. At the end of the day we’re fuckin animals, some worse than others. Some of us that are talented get a little more leverage because we have more options than most others. We take more risks and many times exercise aggression in our sex, our art or at least our conversation. Sure, it takes  a certain will power to act what you imagine, but is this something new to you?

I have explored this in various books I’ve written, however I’m constantly intrigued and still surprised when the most beautiful women (many meaning Jennifer Lewis, Gabriel Union & Tianna Taylor, all of whom have most recently expressed their wild sides in their memoirs or music) accept and look forward to promiscuity, and the crazy-raunchy animal aggression that man carry in our jock straps.

We carry this shit like a virus too. Some men who aren’t even getting a hug are out there engaging in mass shootings and shit, so when I get my cup filled I should be grateful that some sex-crazed woman is actually stopping me from going mad like so many others.

Its only after the relief, the release and the balance when I remind myself that I really only want to physically engage with a woman who I love and adore. Of course that comes from a balanced mind, and that balance mind usually finds itself back to a state of normalcy after some extreme sexual release. The balanced mind of a man will return to a space of common sense, clear thinking and balance once that horny element (that cancer, if you will) has been removed. Extreme physical release has been achieved. Yes for the most part we’re talking about ejaculation but that can also be achieved through physical fitness or some other form of expression.

So to all men who harbor these similar feelings, express yourself. Say what it is. You just might be surprised what you find behind curtain number one. And God bless you if you’re able to sustain your relationship to get to curtain number 2. But by all means, I believe we want all of whats behind 1 and 2 and of course the full package including whats behind curtain number 3; and prayerfully that is “true love”.