Monthly Archives: January 2023

His Addiction & How He Shook it

Grooming

Tyrone Adams was just like any other teenager when he first stumbled upon pornography. Some of us elders, 40 and older may have had magazines and VHS tapes. But Tyrone is of the new generation, and everything is online. PornHub. XVideos. Girl-girl, sex trains, first time-this or that… and the taboo concepts they play out such as father-daughter, mother-son, the step-dad and the boss; So on and so forth. So much, so wide and deep this rabbit hole goes. And you can’t shake it. Even if you do shake it, for instance you decide to only read the bible, to only watch PBS and to never turn on the 6 o’clock news, to deny that it even exists is in and of itself a form of acknowledging its existence. And the mystery is part of this too! Already, if you’re mature, you are deciding daily if you do or don’t want communicate with this or that person based on the energy they’re working with. Already, you’re deciding what kind of content you do or don’t want in your day; is it inspirational? Is it current events? Is it education? Or are you stirring it up to break the monotony? So, in your considerations, you’re wondering “has your neighbor, your teacher, your parents or preacher seen THIS one?” Or, “have they TRIED any of this?” I mean, prosecutors are putting people away for decades based on what they’re thinking! Its called CONSPIRACY! So this mind reading is going on daily, even if we’re spending a fleeting moment in our assessments. That “vibe” as we call it is one we do or don’t want. Oh, we just gonna ignore that this exists? Are we not familiar with Georgia and how the state courts instituted laws (laws that were shot down by the Supreme Court, but nevertheless) which made oral and anal sex between consenting adults, gay and non-gay, a felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison? Even in the privacy of your own bedroom? I mean, this was a real thing folks! As if businesses are not incorporating sex/luring you into their products with sex, cleavage, tits and ass. As if Movies haven’t explored the ideas. As if music (hip hop especially) hasn’t adopted this into its themes. As if every major sports arena hasn’t played the variations of this very music, essentially promoting it all the same. And who’s NOT gonna play/acknowledge a Beyonce’ record and its sexual overtures in the name of salvation?  Not I! lmao. Fact is, escaping the sights and sounds of porn is nearly impossible unless you’re living in the mountains with no wifi.

How dis all start?

Was it Adam & Eve? Are we really going with fiction in this space and time? What are we in kindergarten? And God said “don’t eat the apple,” and the serpent said… Come on. Get real. Embracing the whole nudity in the garden is childish when it comes down to “adulting” in a world where your ability to handle temptation can get the best of you. So, let’s get real.

Folks, Tyrone is curious just like everyone else, wanting to see what women look like without clothing. Maybe he didn’t see mom naked in at home. Maybe the same with his sisters or any other woman he grew up around. On the other hand there are those of us who did grow up that way. But that doesn’t even yay or nay the idea of missing out on the looks or the ideas. It’s just an observation that I feel plays a part in the equation. That natural desire some of us grow up with, where we compare one body to the next. Filling a craving or attraction we might have in our minds.  And this is harmless, really, for a young man or teenager to be curious, to peer into those taboo magazines. Chalk it up to curiosity, I suppose. That, or stay insulated, tucked away from all things that push the agenda. Either that, or you’re just shouting “blasphemy” at every waking moment?

HOOKED

In Tyrone’s case,  before he knew it, he was hooked. He spent hours upon hours watching porn, neglecting his schoolwork, his friends, and his family. He became isolated and depressed, and his addiction only continued to grow. To further fuel the fire, Ty’s sister had a friend she would bring over the house. She was a neighbor named Crystal, sexy-cute island girl she was. And it didn’t take long before Ty caught wind of her desire for him. To Crystal, Tyrone was the older guy, accessible, and there wasn’t a threat for her father to know she was over Tracy’s house, doin girl stuff. The thing is, the visits to see Tracy soon diminished, and now Crystal was coming over to see Tyrone. Same house visit, different agenda. Part of that was an easy fix because Tyrone got hold of a notebook that Crystal left behind. Whether or not that was intentional, he didn’t care. What he did see as “intention” were the notes Crystal had scribbled. According to the scribes, Tyrone was “trending” in her life. She was a virgin and she had already decided that he was the one to quench that thirst. Little did she know, Tyrone was fueled and educated by porn. Dad was always at work. No big brothers to mentor him from adolescence to being a grown assed man, So the language he picked up was learned from twisted sources and far from innocent. It was as though he were a teacher or a mentor, and when he instructed Crystal, she’d obey. He was “trying stuff out” with her instead of it being “young love” where they might tackle curiosity together. All he needed to do was turn the charm on, whisper sweet things into her ear that she wasn’t otherwise getting, and boom: “Do this for me… do that for me. Do it more. Do it again.” He was never denied. So then, from the age of 18 & 19 Tyrone was becoming a nympho.

GIRLFRIEND

Now, Tyrone’s addiction to pornography was humanized and brought to life. Even if the “studying” he’d done was less than romance or wholesome, it was instead turning him into a routine practitioner. He was jaded with receiving oral sex however and whenever he wanted. And he couldn’t began to realize the negative impact it was having on his life because he was so caught up in this one relationship with “the girl next door.” Even when she was away at work, Ty found himself spending time watching porn, neglecting his responsibilities and/or anticipating real relationship stuff like going out on dates. Crystal was just so damned convenient that he never had to work for it. She was addick’ted and only knew satisfaction. He wasn’t inspired to work harder, to master anything substantial, or to consider a future with this woman because it was all just so comfortable. And she, so easy. He didn’t need to focus on schoolwork, a job, or even  connecting with his friends and family. And altho he was spent and satisfied, he was also isolated and unfocused.

Tyrone began to experiment with weed, which was his gateway to cocaine, which ate away at any side-hustle money he was getting. That side-hustle turned illegal, and chasing drug money landed him in Prison.

SIDENOTE: We are the same people who love on the music and the artist when they release the smuttiest content, whether its music, movies, etc. But then when that artist turns into the most extreme practitioner of the content YOU ONCE LOVED, you are quick to go into denial and quick to denounce them. I'll just leave that right here!

POOF!

Now he was forced to manage his withdrawal. How suddenly he was pulled away from liberties he had; the free time, the free sex, things he took for granted. And now, the addiction was real with nowhere to relieve himself in his newfound community of men. His only go-to was masturbation. And for 5 years that was his release. He would dream about his yesterdays and nights with Crystal, and then he’d find a toilet or shower stall to “release” the energy. This routine indeed taxed his mental and emotional health. He felt guilty and ashamed to be here, without a purpose, and he became increasingly anxious and depressed all at once. He found that he was unable to enjoy the things he used to love, and he felt like he was stuck in a never-ending cycle of desire and then shame. He realized that his relationship with pornography and what he knew about sex was causing him more harm than good, and that he needed to take action to overcome it. Sooner than later because too much of this activity would make his foreskin sore. And he’d need to stop altogether or else his skin would turn red. After a while, he’d be back at it again. But what was also routine was the feeling of not feeling love, not knowing true love, and not receiving true love in return. Sure, Crystal probably loved him in the only ways she knew how, now with accepting his collect calls from prison, or sending him some commissary money now and then. But certainly, she didn’t know how to create substance or fulfillment since she was taught by him, and had only been with him. And now that alliance was gone. Poof.

HELPING OTHERS

Meanwhile, Tyrone found a way to help himself, and so he learned to enjoy reading and not just looking at photos in the magazines passed around in prison. Books kept him busy. He read books about King Solomon; stories that seemed to affirm one powerful man with multiple lovers. And because it was in the bible, that (to him) seemed to make it okay. And so he spent days and nights fantasizing about multiple women, not considering the responsibilities of such engagements. Learning and reading more about Polygamy, Tyrone read about the Latter-day Saints and the religion they had which also affirmed multiple wives. But then it dawned on him that the religion could've very well been created and promoted for the reasons of patriarchal male desires and fantasies. One day, Tyrone’s reading brought him to an article about the dangers of pornography addiction. He read about the ways in which it can affect the brain, causing changes in the “reward center” and leading to compulsive behavior. He also read about the social and emotional consequences, such as relationship problems, shame and guilt, and difficulty bonding with others. Maybe it was the mix of having access to this new information mixed with his separation from all things sex, topped off by masturbation...

perhaps all of that brought him to place of no return. That dark space where he realized he needed help. He needed to fill this emptiness left inside of him.

Tyrone knew that he needed to take action. He reached out to a therapist at the prison and began working on overcoming his addiction. It was a long and difficult journey, but he was determined to break free of just being "empty and spent." Now he could focus on "loving with purpose." And altho he no longer has his first girlfriend, he knew that whoever found him would get his true love.

Near the end of his prison sentence, some 5 years later, Tyrone slowly regained control of his life, and began rebuilding the relationships that he had lost. Crystal had moved on, but Tyrone is now a strong advocate against too much pornography and the damage it can cause. He shares his story in the hopes of helping others avoid the same pitfalls that he fell into. He warns against the unforeseen consequences of pornography addiction, how it wears on us mentally, morally and how it gets in the way of true love. Tyrone also urges others to seek help if they find themselves trapped in the same cycle.

Relentless