beyonce experiences sexual repressionI WONDER IF YOU (MAN or WOMAN) HAVE ISSUES WITH SEXUAL REPRESSION? I wonder if you're in control of it, if you are being controlled by it, or if you’re even aware of your sexual repression. What are you doing about it?

Are you happily involved in a committed relationship? Are you happily married? Maybe you’re married, but that is merely on paper, and you still happen to be single and looking?

LOL! You might understand what I'm talking about when I say that “happily involved” and “happily married” is most likely giving you the necessary physical interaction we need as human beings. I say “most likely,” not “most definitely.” Because many of you are in unhappy or unhealthy relationships. My friends, hugs are important! At times in our lives we may go through a drought. It could be due to a relationship ending, or one that’s taking much too long to “take off.” It may even be seasonal due to one of you traveling. It could be coincidental, where your significant other is on duty in the military. It may be none of that and the two of you are just poor communicators. How many of us know people who are in relationships that sex is “labor” and not at all enjoyable? After all, mastering that relationship takes a professional approach! Women are COMPLEX BEINGS! But they can also be simple, especially if there are certain understandings between the two of you. This ain’t hard (once you know your stuff! Once you’re READY to get it right!)

sexual repressionBut let me speak to my single folk out there and remind you all that even mastering average people-skills takes practice. So if you're not in a position where you are around people, and you’re not interacting physically with people all day, you can experience a drought. Many people who travel know what I'm talking about. You are in some foreign place where you have no friends and you find yourself becoming more friendly with people just to fabricate a connection. If you can't create it within your workplace, and if you’re not already working-out that body to the point of exhaustion, where that good sleep and comfortable pillow is callin for you, then you may find yourself wandering. You may find yourself searching for social experiences like movies and nightclubs where that human interaction is almost necessary and anticipated. For instance, in your mind you know a movie theater is where you must cope with people, whether directly or indirectly. In a nightclub, there is an expectation of boy meets girl/most clubs, anyway. Of course, libraries and coffee shops are an amazing environment to meet and connect with folks. And if you are not interacting with people, then what are you doing to fill that void? Are you just enjoying that idle time. Are you the progressive/productive type that appreciates digging into a pile of work, not one to squander idle time? Maybe. However, if none of this applies to you then, somebody/somewhere might be a little “backed-up.”

The other day I watched Beyonce’s concert film that took us behind the scenes with her traveling, being homesick, and even crying because she wanted to be at home where she was loved and where (we’re sure) she can receive intentional, physical affection. It’s an affection that you just don’t get on stage, and one that she definitely can’t get from tens of thousands of fans.

 Here's proof of a young man's sexual repression; fortunately there is video for all to look into his thoughts before this horrific crime. "For the last 8 years of my life, ever since I hit puberty..."

22-year-old Elliot Rodger posted a YouTube video hours before he unleashed his violence on the streets of Isla Vista -- the UCSB community.

Now allow me to connect this story to myself: For me, your friendly introverted, outcast-author it is necessary to make use of my idol time. I come from a past life of sexual repression that was deeply rooted in my late teens and early 20s, until my mid 30s. Even then I had challenges. Sure, I had that on/off switch, but I know now I had issues. Today, friends jokingly say I “still” have issues. In ways I’d hafta agree; I have been random. Am I over my sexual repression? It’s hard to say. Though I do know that when I have an extreme urge for affection (to be touched to be loved) there had better be a way to exhaust that urge, or else there will be trouble! And I don't mean trouble as in violence, mayhem and all things illegal. But, my sexual repression is one which could lead to arguments, fights, and other poor decision-making. Sure, I could just keep my mouth shut, but where is my own psychosomatic balance? Am I balanced enough to keep my mouth shut and reserve judgement? Am I content enough to know the truth in a situation, where I can even keep my opinion to myself? Or am I gonna be responsive and confrontational and glib and polarizing?

Here are ways which I maintain my balance, and they should practices of your in the event you find yourself sexually frustrated.

  • 1) I’m thankful for my allegiance with the local chiropractor, for massages, adjustments to my neck and spine, and the almighty hydro-massage table.
  • 2) There’s my heavy workload. I have lots of work on my desktop, and there’s always more to do when that’s done.
  • 3) I have an extreme passion and dedication to my talent. It requires focus and positive energy and consistency. Anything less would result in poor results in my work. Furthermore, there’s always more to learn, whether its my reading about it, or audio/video programs. And of course there’s my ritual
  • 4) my daily workouts and the jacuzzi twice a week.
  • 5) my worst case scenario; if I’m not pursuing a committed relationship, I can always go and pay for a good scalp massage.

Folks, as human beings, we need to have that human connectivity. And as adults, we need to get our dose of sexual intercourse every now and then. You can deny it if you want to… and indeed many of us find release in church. They call it “catching the Holy Spirit,” when in fact (sometimes) it is merely the want to yell and scream and shout and dance and release all that pent-up energy inside of us. Not that your want for faith and allegiance to your God is manufactured. I don't mean that in any broad sense, even though that is the truth in some instances. What I am hoping is that you're clear about the reality of our needs as human beings; our need for release. Its that, or you have an amazing sense of temperament, or there’s the worst, you’re exercising some unhealthy tension-relieving activities.



Friends, without these various means of release, whether mentally or physically, a person could have extreme issues. Mostly, it will be the male between the ages of 18 and 49 who will engage in violent behavior as an outlet of their frustration. Women, on the other hand, within that same age range, are too concerned with being mommy (or, at least, being babysitter). That maternal instinct and the care a woman-alone manages, is what keeps them sane and focused. Mostly, anyway. We also need to consider that, for many reasons, women are receiving the love that men aren't getting, it could be from the hugs their children give them, hugs from other men at work and otherwise, and even pets. Some of us can get by, and there are isolated situations where folks are numb to this need for physical interactions. But if I know one truth, (if you're not already familiar), there is something known as a psychosomatic balance; that is a balance between your mind and your body. That balance is necessary in order for you to think clearly, to perform efficiently and there are those little things known as patience and confidence. Patience affects all of us when you’re driving along the thruway, considering who has the right-of-way, who you let pass, who you don't. Someone with a psychosomatic imbalance could easily create a situation out of a coincidence. And that could lead to road rage. But Road rage is a lot less likely when you have psychosomatic balance. When you’re feeling loved. Things that may have bothered you in one state of mind may not bother you in the other—the relaxed state of mind. There is an age-old rule in boxing that keeps a boxer from sexual involvement in the days leading up to a prizefight. The idea is for the fighter to maintain his stamina and energy and that desire to win the fight. That is the same stamina energy and desire that a woman expects to see and experience when her husband has been gone for a long time, or when they have not had relations for a while. If she knows her man well, she will be able to tell if he has been with another woman or if he has somehow "released" without her presence. And again, release comes in various forms and does not necessarily mean sex. Jogging can get that “edge” off of one’s mind. A cold shower has been known to help. However, every one of you knows exactly what I'm talking about when I remind you of how relaxed and how at ease you are following ejaculation. Sex is the majormost activity to handle that urge! And if you don’t have that satisfaction, you could very well find yourself looking for it! Or, in the case of many, many news accounts, you could be about to kill somebody.

So, I will end this as I started it: how are you dealing with your sexual repression?






World's Leading Urban Lit Author is also Publisher, Film Maker and marketing guru.

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