IF YOU ASKED ME TO RECALL things that took place during 2013 it might not be scripted in an organized timeline. However, I can recall details from way back or up close and recent. I don’t know what thats about/something like being near-sighted or far-sighted maybe? But, hey I’m grateful for my documenting life along the way. Thankful that I have the equipment, the knowhow and the passion to stay consistent. I feel like I’m part reporter, part life coach, part entertainer, part good samaritan. All in all, I’m enjoying life in all of its randomness, being resourceful as possible with what I’ve got. Enjoy with me, won’t you?
“LET’S GO CRAZY”
I WAS SITTING WITH A GOOD FRIEND THIS MORNING… she’s the kind of friend I can tell anything to, who I can share things with that I can’t even share with you guys. We talked about (what else) SMOKE & MIRRORS and falsehoods. Talking about these things helps keep our tools sharp. And in life, you’ve GOT to keep those tools at the ready, both (mentally & physically).
SMOKE & MIRRORS? WHAT’S THAT, RELENTLESS?
Folks, many of us may NEVER realize the smoke & mirrors in our lives because we’re so deep into the thick of things. The reality of it all… the clocks we know in life, such as bills, such as responsibilities; things such as mortality… all of these priorities embrace us and suffocate us, both. Some of us engage knowingly, while others get sucked in and we’re numb to it all. So, what if you lose it all? What if you can no longer afford the lifestyle you’re living? What if the rug is pulled out from under you? What if your health fails you? Will you really know who your true friends are? Would you then know who your real family is? Would you even be able to pull YOURSELF out of the psychosis we know to be fancy cars, bling and expensive surplus lifestyles???
YOU WILL READ THE FOLLOWING AND YOU WILL KNOW I’VE WALKED THE WALK.
Imagine me immersed in a $3,400-per-month rental/a lavish high-rise with views of 3 states, luxury SUVs, expensive restaurants and neighbors who are rappers, lawyers, doctors, etc. For reasons that could’ve been forecasted, I come home to my wife of 13 years to explain:
“Baby, have a seat. I love you very much. I love the life we’ve created. Our children. Our future. But we’ve got to downsize and scale back on expenses. We’re makin $10,000 a month, but we’re spending $11,000. I feel trapped; like I have a noose around my neck.”
Then I pulled out a list of our expenses, with the high-rise rental at the top. The largest expense that earned us no equity, but was instead draining my #breadwinner pockets
“I’m not moving back to the Bronx,” she said.
I told her, “It doesn’t hafta be the Bronx. Just anywhere that won’t cost us so much.”
She didn’t think hard before she said, “Well, YOU can leave, but I’m not goin anywhere.”
One or two days after that conversation, my belongings were packed recklessly in a half-dozen Hefty bags by the door.
“WHEN DOVES CRY”
Forget about all I sacrificed to get to this point. Forget the status quo lifestyle, the fancy SUVs and penthouse sex parties. Forget about the neighbors and what they think; or our friends and the idea of failure. Forget all that shit. What just happened here? My body sensed it first, but my mind quickly caught up with the realization that I………I was….my God, I’m losing…..my….. my family. The allegiance I had grown with my children was stripped from me, suddenly ejected from the pilot-seat and out of the plane. I remember holding my daughter in my one hand when she was born and pressing my little baby boy’s tummy/helping him shit because his food hadn’t digested well. I remember my boy still in his playpen, but gifted enough to reach up…crawl up on our waterbed to grab my toe while me and his mom were…I remember naming my daughter “Fortune” because she was “priceless” and that there was nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for her, including committing bank fraud. All of that was now gone/just a memory as I slept days and nights in my new reality, the comfortable Chevy Yukon XL. Large enough to tow a staff of women to Texas or New Orleans to sell books, and now convenient and warm enough to shelter me from New York’s winter chill.
Sure, the phone was still ringing and the office was still afloat. Now, more than ever I could dive into my work. And earnings were never better. My mojo was never stronger. My resilience was never more unrelenting. But no matter how much I was designed to get up when knocked down… no matter how I had my back against the wall… no matter how many past references of survival I could call upon, the bottom line here was I was on the losing end of the biggest tragedy. For when you don’t have family, or legacy or support, what do you really wake up for? Where are those celebrity neighbors now? Where are those strap-hangers? What good is “Avalon-living” if but for finances you lose it all? Family included? I know people who STILL can’t get the Avalon out of their mouths, even when in some OTHER/unrelated conversation, still leaning on that BS status, well after they too came to grips with the reality of “unaffordable housing.” Let it go. You don’t realize the foolery of the trap until you’re far and away from it. Its no different from the affluent, well-spoken lawyer who I know, living in a big ole mansion here in Georgia, mortgaged to the neck, only to get “checked” by a Marshal at 6 or 7am, knocking at the door, eviction notice in hand.
Yes indeed, I’ve seen it all. Smoke & Mirrors. You THINK you got friends and family, only up until the moment you lose it… only up until you lose your job or your bank account dries up. That, as they say, is REAL TALK.
Absolutely. Before you check your relationship; before you sign IN to a relationship, you better knock on the walls to make sure that shit is real. What happens if you’re suddenly hospitalized? Do you have a soldier (or soldier-girl) by your side, or just a fair-weather fellow? You’re buying gifts and whatnot for people, but how do you know they won’t betray you when the shit hits the fan? And, check it, they may not even be bad people. They may MEAN well. But, how many of us can admit, that while we’re great people down deep, sometime we fuck shit up and make fucked up decisions at the surface, right before we blame it all on someone else? Can you be honest with yourself on that?
Once you’ve checked your relationships (and your relation-shits) how about stopping some clocks that force you to work so hard/that tiring, futile energy we spend that seems to be taking us nowhere but to the dead end? And how do we know its a dead end? How about looking at someone who’s doing what YOU’RE doing, only they’ve been doing it 10 years longer. Are they in a position you wish to be in 10 years from now? And if you plan on doing it different, what is your plan? Do you HAVE a plan, or are you merely playing it by ear? How long you gonna hold onto that title loan, making excuses as to why you still wanna use the money, rationalizing that the use of the money is worth the high-interest you’re paying? Somehow, you need to stop some clocks in your life, or at least secure residual incomes that support the chains and shackles that currently hold you down. With some of those money woes out of the way, you will be able to breathe easier, even if you hafta go to great lengths to get it done. As time goes on, you will SIMPLIFY MORE OF YOUR LIFE and you will see the confusion you left behind/not to mention the confusion others embody. And the confusion you see in others will annoy you to the point that you will try and separate or insulate yourself from THEIR nonsense because (quite simply) you’ve been there/done that. Who in the world wants to digress, after you’ve gone thru so much to rise? You ‘gone LEARN what a reality check is! GOOD MORNING! *SIDENOTE: After my relocation to ATL and our inevitable divorce, she ended up moving back to the Bronx, ANYWAY. #amazingpeople
IN ORDER TO BE A CHAMPION, a WINNER, SUCCESSFUL, you must FIRST THINK and KNOW and HAVE FAITH IN the state, the mannerisms, and the thought process of your intended outcome. SO, YOU WANNA BE A WINNER? THEN ACT LIKE A WINNER. WALK LIKE A WINNER. TALK THAT WINNER’S TALK! Do winners experience stress? Sure! We fall off from time to time. But it don’t take much to jump back into that state because its something we’re familiar with. We already KNOW we’re winners. And so winning comes naturally.
BTW: To WIN doesn’t mean earn incredible amounts of money and fame. WINNING, my friend, may just be your ability to go to sleep and wake up with a fulfilling smile. WINNING might be the rewards you achieve as a result of your hard work. A satisfied customer. A phone call from a loved one. WINNING, as subjective as the term is, can simply mean you walking thru a field and knowing that everything is perfect, no matter the turbulence. It could be you having a moment to meditate/feeding into that Godly energy that we all share. WINNING, in my opinion, means HAPPY, HEALTHY & INSPIRED. And thats how you’re feeling, ISN’T IT! WELL THEN, GOOD MORNING WINNER! #Relentless
GOOD MORNING WORLD of CHAMPIONS!!
MY FRIENDS are the best. Last night I entertained my buddy Jim Boothy, visiting all the way from Scotland. Got to make my best dish (the fried rice) and there’s some video footage of us singing “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.” And were we EVER sorry! lol What a glass of wine can do to “enhance” a dinner engagement! Its been such a great FIRST QUARTER; loss, renewing, blessings, connectivity… but FRIENDS! LOVE YOU ALL. When you’re in Atlanta you MUST catch up with me so we can have some quality time together. Hell, if Jim can make it here from Scotland, you think you can give it a try (from here in the States?) Just sayin. GOOD MORNING AGAIN WORLD of CHAMPIONS!!
GOT MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME TODAY. Filming a commercial that mimics the old Batman series & his building climb. Green screen/lighting/shotlist… shit that companies spend thousands of dollars to produce/I do on the cheap. Why do I do these things??? #relentless