I thinking of writing more about this, maybe incorporating you as co-conspirators on the project, because I know I’m not the only one going thru these things. And as much as I’ve tried to separate this from my reality, its just not possible. So excuse me if you feel this about you/its not. Its about our practices. You won’t see me naming names. There appears to be a cancer that has penetrated our community of grown folk and maybe I can address it in a true-to-life project. Maybe we can do an anthology of experiences in one book and help others so we don’t repeat the same nonsense? #thoughts
So while I’m a work-a-coholic, I’m still a human being who drives, survives, relies on and for true love. And because I would like to have that again in my life in the realest way, I still must “vet” candidates. This includes you if you live in another state/full of promises… this includes you if you like to “play” in my in-box/beating around the bush with no real purpose or sense of commitment. This includes you if you like to pass judgement from text messages instead of hearing a mans voice, or better yet seeing him face to face. I think it's childish that anyone should formulate and even dissolve your possibilities of happiness, friendship and true love from a fucking text message. Any of my real friends CALL ME. They might drop everything they're doing to help me, as I would for them. My real friends don't even need to speak to me for weeks, months or years, but we're bonded. And if there was ever a question that needed to be answered/one that was heavily concerning them and required urgency, the LAST place I'd see them is dancing around on social media before they came to address the urgency. Your mom, your sister or brother is facing a crisis that requires your attention, but you got them on hold because you're too busy seeking social acceptance online? Whoa. This is why it's important to vet people. The vetting process is where you're going to learn about people and their bad habits. Once you realize what the habits are it's up to you whether to accept or decline or make concessions and sacrifices.
As for me, it's normal procedure to get you know you better, especially if I'm gonna give you my heart or body. So then you're gonna wanna know my sexual appetite. Never mind dancing around the idea? You may as well know, yes! I'm a damned normal, hungry, fire-breathing dragon in bed! Just like you are, (or just what you want) except you try and hide or sugarcoat it! Omg but YOU GAVE BIRTH! That shit din happen by the US Postal service? You fucked, got fucked, probably cried Holy this/Holy-that, Jesus Joseph & Mary. And that's the stuff I AM mentioning. Nevermind what's hidden behind closed doors. Point is, we can't be hypocritical boo. We must leave margin for error, especially if we didn't grow up together/never spent years in one another's company, don't even know one another's parents. If you want a lifetime commitment from a guy you cannot look at him strange becuz He express himself, his wants $ desires? What do you want him to LIE to you? Don't you WANT him to be clear and up front for you? Personally, it's a must that I know who is behind that woman I’m courting. A lot to lose over here/I don’t know what YOU are working with. As for me, there’s a legacy to maintain and live out; a legacy that must outlive me.
And so, I’m still dating; unfortunately. Me, a man who is…
- about his business,
- no baby-momma-drama,
- successful on so many levels,
- a committed man
- head on straight
- talented, yadda yadda yadda…
So Queen, while you are an awesome woman in so many ways, here’s what I’ve noticed about you:
- You’re scared. sensitive & untrusting. It's hard for you to relax because (if you're pretty) you've likely been the target of many suitors. And if you're getting older, you've also been thru a lot, so it's hard.
- You’re jaded by a past and still have luggage that causes you to pre-judge. It blinds you and disables you from seeing the real-deal… the raw truth before you. With all the signals coming at you, from your girlfriends, your ratchet reality shows and all the other influences in your diet, it can be confusing. If you don't know who YOU are
- You jump to conclusions and assume. You can be partially wrong or all wrong/it’s a jump nevertheless. There's an old saying "When u assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME... ASS-U-ME.
- I'll say it: Too many of you are weed-smokers, possibly the reason for your poor judgement #braincells
oh this is a big one
- You THRIVE on and PERPETUATE miscommunication! I think that is your caffeine/some of you. You just EXPECT THE WORST and get high off of the possibilities!
Yes, an You want to prove that you can “do it yourself” that you “don’t need no man to do it for you” so on and so forth. I’ve seen this get so severe that even if the woman is in physical pain and I can help… no, I’m not a Doctor, but I know some things. And this particular woman had a severe shoulder pain that I relieved by my massage skills and the TLC that I put into it… I relieved her in the emergency room. ("Omg I can't believe you came here!" She cried), and then the pain came back a week or so later/when she clearly needed me again.
“I’ve been crying all day” she’d tell me on the phone, I guess she was too proud to “give in” or to call when that no-strings-attached relief was a phone call away. So I was sort of helpless. When I explained all of that to her, I just got apologies. #shrug Anyhow, that sense of “denial” is something I’ve seen before. Just more interruption of the Black Love we all sign up for in the first place.
And there’s one more:
- You’re “thirsty,” presumptuous, and/or your self esteem is challenged where it concerns your body and few extra pounds. That is a cancer swimming around in your head. We’re on a date and you feel you hafta make an excuse about your weight or why you don't work out? smh. If THAT was an issue or concern of mine what makes you think we’d be spending quality time together in the first place? Am I having the pity-party with you? No, I don’t expect you to adopt the fitness lifestyle just because thats what I do/not right away anyhow. You may need some motivation; who knows? But to bring it up in the form of an excuse or to rationalize your situation is not a good thing. Yes, you should be on a healthy path, but you should nevertheless be as happy with you as I was when we met. Period.
So while distance, some miscommunication and other mashups, smash-ups, fuck-ups and fails have been part of the dating experience, and while the aforementioned trends have been all too obvious, I will not give up looking for love and Mrs Right-for-me. Shit, with all the women crying about “I can’t find a man” you’d think they’d spill out of a faucet for me, considering I’m a successful, respectful, purposeful heterosexual male? Considering I’m a better candidate than many women can IMAGINE, much less meet and date. I hafta say even to you, “I’m a way better choice than your past choices?”
Okay, NOW you can “shake your head.”
But after you do that, consider these rules to help you in your choosing your future soulmate:
1) DON’T GO SOLELY ON WHAT PREACHER SAYS: I know this hurts a lot of you/so sorry. But Jesus was not White, Santa doesn’t exist, and there’s this thing about all police being righteous, upstanding keepers of the law… So, what every preacher says is not necessarily law… it may not even be helpful to you. He’s a great orator. He has some sage advice. But what he says does not necessarily or specifically apply to you. Be a better ACCESSOR of the information you’re importing. A woman I dated came to show me her engagement ring one day; she was prepared to marry a guy who THE CHURCH APPROVED for her? But a few weeks later I saw her again: “Where’s your ring?” And she told me, “We called it off.” Lord help me. How many women are “trapped” in situations because of what the church or what the preacher endorses?
2) STOP JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS! Text messages will kill your party EVERY TIME! I’ve had text messages come to me out of sequence, and the next thing you know I’m getting a text that assumes the worst: “well it was nice knowing you” (or something to that effect). There’s also a lack of tempo in a text and (if the two of you are not on the same page at all times) the text can be read wrong. We’re not always the best communicators, depending on what we’re doing, if we’re busy, on the run, multi-tasking etc. This goes for authors too! We’re not always the best communicators, tbt
3) BE A BETTER ACCESSOR: this may take timing patience, and you may never get it right. But, if a man is telling you by his words, actions and convictions that he wants to be “the one” as in “committed relationship”, please give that idea some FAITH? Some CONSIDERATION? I mean, before you say, text or do anything DUMB? Unless he gives you some SERIOUS REASON as to why that’s a lie, or if you’re not REALLY CONVINCED, then have a little patience with him. IJS #relentless