I remember 8 or so months ago I met a woman online-attractive; could’ve walked off of the cover of Essence Magazine. But instead, she was stepping out of an UBER I paid for. Since I invite houseguests from all over the world, she got word of my safe environment, and I reached out to give her a hand. BTW, this is not the first time, nor is there a hidden agenda. I just like to help people. I have been a witness to the phenomenal work that Phoenix Pass does in Rockdale County, how they graduate women from beaten and battered to home-owner. And if I have a room in my home, I’ll do a little mission duty to offset the larger initiatives in my professional life.
Back to the Essence chic; so this woman got wined and dined that night. I’m not sure if she had flaws I couldn’t see, or if she was hiding them. But I was spellbound, and YES… I was attracted. Long story short, she cried on my shoulder that night and we cuddled through it. Nothing more.
So, the next day I helped her retrieve her belongings. And I found myself becoming an instant moving company. Drove for 3 hours to remove her and her teenage daughter from a trailer park, dropped the daughter off at her friends house, and learned all the while that the daughter was out on bail. The mother (who I’m affectionately calling Che’Essence) had just been released on bail, and somehow the police officer/ex-husband was the one to have them locked up. So there were already read flags that I was pushing aside.
If that wasn’t a mouthful, with her stuff still packed, not 48 hours into the “relationshit” Che’Essence pulled up on me in my bathroom and created an argument out of thin air. “Why couldn’t we discuss that in private?” She asked. I was shellshocked! All I said to her was, “Any reason why your things are still packed?” And I asked her this well out of earshot from anyone that may be in our midst. And I didn’t even consider that question to be one that might be
perceived as disrespectful or humiliating or otherwise. It was a simple question. And yet this was the game changing interaction between Che’Essence and myself. It got to a point in the bathroom when I was thinking “I would love for this woman to leave.” And then, as if she’d read my mind, she said: “oh so now you want me to leave,” Wow, just like i have seen or heard time & again, a woman sabotaging the relationship, the possibilities, the greatness, and blessings coming her way. Blessings, a roof over her head, no money down; no strings attached. Opportunities: homegirl was literate, had a head on her shoulders and could’ve very well become my exec assistant, a woman who could handle all of my business concerns. The Relationship; hey, I was single, she was single, and thats what men & women do when they come together… sure, there’s time required and all, but inevitably, we connect, procreate, and love one another. So, there was that. And then finally, the greatness… do you not know the tagline of our Relentless University brand?
After all I’d done to make her feel safe, comfortable and secure (at least enough time for her to get herself together), and now, so suddenly, here I was in the middle of an argument.
Ladies, why do you sabotage the possibilities before you? Why? I can answer that! Because of past experiences, because of fear of failure, and because we’ve lost the trust that men and women need to do things together, our easy default is to doubt and to question into go in with no leap of faith. On the other hand, it would be so easy to maintain a leap of faith based on superficial means. Ask any woman who has come upon sugar daddy. Ask any woman who has met a man of means in a nightclub, only to be offered the world in return for her company. There are so many levels to why and why not, but my observation is that so many of us will become that zealot/sold on the pain and misery of life, and we’ll dive all-the-way-in with all of our belief and energy; in essence, even in the face of obvious objections and facts. We’ll do this even when the answer is simply that in all situations we need to be conscious consumers; savvy consumers. And folks, we need to do the research before we take the dive into what ultimately can change, challenge or even alter our lives.
Look, on one hand I’m saying this is what it is and we gotta do better. On the other, I’m reminding us to stop being a zealot and open your mind to other conclusions. Because, for the person (or people) who know the truth… they see you as a clown.